Sometimes I wish I had kept my CA study materials. Not for reference, but because they were a sure way to put me to sleep, which is a rare commodity these days. I don’t know how the current books are, but in those times despite my youthful earnestness, I could not make head or tail of the text, often nodding off within an hour, even at midday. That, coupled with my obstinacy to stay away from tuition classes, meant that I needed multiple attempts before I cleared my finals, further shattering my self-confidence already at its lowest ebb.
It wasn’t just me, in my many rounds of the examination centres, I came across many of my school and college scholars, some studious nerds, others brilliant at academics; all appearing sheepish as they tried to avoid me, embarrassed that they still hadn’t passed after so many years. As I saw it, there was nothing to be ashamed of, with a low single digit pass percentage, it was essentially a lottery.
No doubt you needed to put in the requisite effort; also, in addition your stars needed to align, so that lady luck would shine on you. It was a literal manifestation of the crux of the teachings expounded by the Bhagavad Gita, “Do your best, but do not worry about the results”. Though it was quite frustrating, wondering what more one needed to do to get through, the dropout rate too was significant.
I had witnessed at least a couple of friends admit defeat, after toiling for years. No doubt, it developed reserves of patience and discipline that stood them in good stead in their subsequent careers, but they simply couldn’t wait any longer. The pressures of settling down often compelling them to take that agonizing decision, after having invested so many of their prime years in something that took them nowhere.
Of those who gave up, a close friend went on to rise in the corporate echelons to positions of responsibility, both home and abroad. Conversely there’s another, who didn’t quite recover from the shock. Previously cocky and confident, he spiralled into depression, which turned his life into a muddle.
The only reason I persevered was because I met my wife (incidentally a ranker, standing second among women during the finals). The long hours and frustration during articleship played cupid, beating hollow even the best matchmaking auntie that ever existed. It was her patient help and guidance through my studies, coupled with my determination to be worthy of her that finally pushed me through what I can liken to be the eye of the needle. But the toil had already taken its toll on me, so I made up my mind never to practice. Instead, I took the easy way out and joined the family business.
Surprisingly, though I consider myself an introvert, it was my interactions with customers that gave me the most satisfaction – forming lasting relationships that have continued even though we may no longer be doing business together. This reinforced my belief, that in a marketplace full of shops selling similar produce, service is what distinguishes one from the rest.
Case in point is my best friend, Rajesh, who is now a partner at a reputable CA firm. He has earned quite a name for himself – not just for his knowledge, dedication, and enviable work ethic, but more so his man management skills that can never be taught through books. Despite constantly burning the midnight oil right through the year, he keeps his sense of humour intact, not only with the clientele but also with his staff.
As for me, though I lacked nothing, I felt something was missing. I was fortunate to have received so much from the universe, but in return gave back almost nothing. In fact, after almost an entire lifetime of playing safe by the book, on the cusp of fifty, I decided rather than match up to other people’s yardstick, I’d rather do things I’ve always dreamt of doing before it’s too late.
For someone as shy as I was (the only prize I got in school was for the shyest boy in class), reading became my refuge, and consequently a means to express myself. This skill reached fruition when I would put pen to paper. Sitting at home during the covid pandemic enabled me to give full flow to my creative juices. Just for fun, sitting in my balcony every morning. I’d dash off a page of my thoughts and follow it up by disseminating it to my contacts on WhatsApp. Their feedback motivated me to keep going beyond a thousand days on the trot. Even after things returned to a semblance of normality, I continued to (and still do) pen down my ramblings.
I have always loved exploring parts of the city right from my teenage years when my dad would send me on errands to various company offices in the Fort precinct. The book “Bombay, The Cities Within” detailing the history of our city fascinated me, and I would take visitors from abroad around the area on a tour, relying on some of the facts gleaned from its pages.
On Republic Day in 2020, I took my passion a little further, by being more organized via a WhatsApp group. Though the response wasn’t quite what I anticipated, for me it has always been a personal voyage of discovery. Though severely constrained by the lockdown necessitated by the covid epidemic, over the next couple of years I discovered more about the city than I had done in the first fifty. Most astonishing were the hidden gems unearthed literally in my own backyard, treasures in places no one would expect, and the interesting people that not just accompanied me on my walks, but also some that I met along the way.
Thus, over the last few years, I have followed my twin passions of writing and exploring my own city vigorously – both have given me wings to soar. Consequently, I am not just feeling liberated, but I am also living life to the fullest.
And I am not the only one who has digressed from the profession – another friend Ashwin did get into practice, but his heart was never in it. After a few years, he left for Australia where he learnt the technique of wine making. He later returned to India to set up a winery of his own. Today, his wines are rated among the best in the country. This just goes to show that Chartered Accountants aren’t quite as uninteresting as some make us out to be!
How many of us feel that if we had a chance we would have lived our lives quite differently? That’s what I felt too, but as I grow older, I realize that that’s how things were meant to be, and try to focus on what is, rather than be caught up in what could have been or worry about what may happen. We are often so preoccupied with living up to someone else’s expectations that we forget to connect with our true selves. Too often we get bogged down in the marsh of the past, or the fog obscuring our future. We forget to live in the present, making the most of the ‘here and now’. So, this is my message to you – Take a little time away from the hurly burly of living to spend some time with yourself, listening to your heart, to that inner voice which, however faint, is your true guide.
About Hashim Mirza:
Hashim is a CA by profession who currently looks after the family wholesale business of greeting cards and fancy stationery. Travel, food, and reading are some of his enduring passions. After turning fifty, he has indulged himself, making the most of the time left, which he considers as a bonus. Giving full flow to his various interests, he thrives on exploring the nooks and corners of the city. He has also managed to divert his creative juices by writing on issues that interest him, starting a daily blog from the first day of the covid lockdown. Feeling blessed to have received so much love from all around him, he has learnt to live life to the fullest, accepting and making the most of whatever lies in store for him, taking each day as it comes.
He can be reached at mirzanent@gmail.com
