“Child is the father of the man”. This adage sure is replete with so much meaning and loaded with the entire journey called life. However, as we age, this adage in old age is always a reflection of childhood. So, the elderly become the child that they were. Let us understand this from their perspective.
Many elders, as they progress into their second innings, exhibit a lot of confidence, and can deal with the continuous challenges that are a part of modern existence. There are also some elders who excel and write books, paint masterpieces, create albums and feature in the dailies. Look at global cinema or for that matter, literature where some elders continue to rock and rake in praise and acclaim.
However just like it is for a child, life for the elderly is an everyday learning because of the continuous changes that happen around them. Like a child’s innocence, they are naive in this world of technology and mechanical routine. Yet, they rule the small little world they are in and do fit in as best as possible. Their families too try to make them comfortable and make them feel at ease. Of course, it also is true that some elders are unable to step away from their ideals and perspectives to accept the newer requirements. Hence, they seem stubborn and aloof at times which makes it even more challenging for their families.
If we take a statistical view, it is surprising to see that the elderly are more resilient, disciplined and determined than the younger generation. It may sound unbelievable yet it is true. While some seek to understand the new generation phones, the internet, online payments, there are others who find all this a huge challenge. Some seniors have their own groups – be it cultural, musical, adventure lovers, handicraft lovers; they are even eager to learn how to play online games with their grandchildren just so they can feel included and wanted.
Thanks to their initial responses to challenging stimuli, their reaction and attitude towards everyday living is certainly in a different league than the rest of the world. Yet due to their physical, emotional, and mental inabilities, they become the focus of the younger generation who try to take a breakeven approach to deal with them.
‘Empty nest’ is suddenly a common term in Indian families, with children prioritizing individual and professional growth over family per se. Children grow up and leave their homes for further studies and professional progress. Under these circumstances, the senior citizens as they are referred to in India, begin their second innings from the age of sixty. The combined effect of an empty nest and advancing years warrants an increased dose of love, support, and care, not only from family and friends, but in some cases, from organisations such as social NGOs and centres.
The elderly are also the most vulnerable towards all social challenges, whether it be a financial mishandling, a technological scam, a natural disaster, or any other real-life situation which requires support and help. In such cases, assisted living is a feasible and safe option as it not only gives a new lease of life to the elders, but also ensures that the family is able to live without having to worry about the day-to-day challenges of tending to an elder.
Assisted living is very common in countries where the social set up is different and families have a diverse view about living together. Assisted living is growing in India these days as it provides independence and convenience to both the elderly and their children. The elderly live in a supportive atmosphere, participating in group activities, while their children have the leeway to attend to their commitments and responsibilities without the baggage of emotional guilt. Our society must gradually enhance the purpose behind assisted living and not make it stigmatic. Of course, there is a major section of the society which is still stuck in the quagmire of social traditions, superstition, and practices.
However, we must understand that everything comes with an expiration date, and in many cases, their stamina and mental balance does go for a toss with conditions and diseases such as Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, dementia, physical inabilities to name a few and social pressure, domestic prejudice, and customary obligations to name more.
Parental presence is a blessing in disguise but one realises it gradually as one develops emotional intelligence. It takes time to understand the true potential of elderly advice and guidance. When we see our parents who are in their eighties and nineties, we go down a memory lane where they were super moms and super dads, while today they are trying to grapple with the realities of life. This is a paradigm shift where we realise that our roles have reversed. They are the children and we, the parents. We grow up suddenly. They become dependent on us.
I have elderly parents and have had elderly in-laws. I have learnt from them the simple mantra for living perfectly, and that is to live life with acceptance. My father suffers from dementia – the family supports him to provide him the otherwise ‘lost’ zone comfortably. He is aided by medical assistance and nursing care too. My mother, with a never-say-die attitude, is still the rock in the family. That is acceptance. My mother-in-law tided over a lot of health challenges and had her family beside her as her moral strength, with paid assistants helping her with everyday needs. That is acceptance. Family and assisted living go hand in hand, and friends and support are the beautiful rainbow at the end of it all. And that we must accept.
Life is indeed a mixed bag of emotions and experiences. Life comes with its own set of permutations and combinations which define the transactional interaction between the elderly and the rest of the world. We can surely make a difference by taking a step towards changing to a new normal. We can be the difference by being the New Gen elderly. We can interact with our elders and try to change their perspective. Success is all about trying to bring a change and if it is for the better, it will work.
It is our duty to help our elders tide through their difficult periods because now it is payback time for us, as children. The elders belong to a generation which underwent hardships in their formative years, resulting in having to take charge of their life by adopting a disciplined outlook. So, for those perhaps ignorant ones who feel that elders are a burden, this is the time to stop, pause, reflect, and appreciate that we are, sooner or later, going to join the gang of the octogenarians and nonagenarians (‘octos and nonos’), and it is for us to present before the world, thoughts which help the world become a haven of give and take. This is the Octo-Nono payback deal.
About Rukmini Krishnan –
A multi-faceted personality, Rukmini Krishnan, besides being a French and English teacher, is also an avid blogger, poet, speaker and writer. In her role as a member of the Veteran Citizen Forum, she encourages the elderly to display their skills through simple cultural programmes, entertainment activities and nature trails. She is also actively involved with an NGO which provides food to an old age home and helps in the development of the underprivileged. She is a committed member of the ‘Keep Thane City Clean’ project and works closely with an environmental NGO. A trained singer in Hindustani classical music, she also plays the harmonium and various percussion instruments.
Rukmini Krishnan can be reached on kaybees22@gmail.com
